A Guide to Speak Dating Like Zoomer: 51 Niche Words for Love, Sex and Questionable Conduct

The current period represents a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed guide to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {