‘A narrative echoed in numerous households’: American parents of addicted children relate to the tragic case – but fear stigma.

When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a loved one’s substance use are concerned the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehab and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can overcome this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”